Picture this: you open the door to your local sex shop, and the bell jingles above your head, alerting the clerk to your presence. They give you a smile and wave, then go back to restocking something colorful at the other end of the store. You’re left to your own devices.
The wall to your right is covered in packages of costumes and lingerie, and you think okay, I can do this. Underwear is familiar.
You mill around for a few minutes, distractedly perusing the costumes as you cast curious glances deeper into the store. Eventually, you pluck up the courage to wander past the entrance and into the aisles of colorful silicon just waiting to be chosen.
As you gaze across the shelves, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the spectrum of shapes, sizes, and colors that you see. Some of the shapes are as long as your forearm, while others look just like lemons, or have arms that spiral every which way. Where is everything supposed to go? How are you supposed to know what to pick?
If you’ve ever had an experience like this, in-store or online, we’ve got you. Here’s the ultimate beginner’s guide to choosing your first sex toy.
Step 1: Choose your orgasm
Okay, time to get real. Have you had an orgasm before? The feeling varies from person to person (and orgasm to orgasm), but in general people describe is as a surge of pleasurable pressure that starts from your nether regions and erupts out into the rest of your body in waves.
The sensation can come on suddenly, feeling sharper, or come on more gradually. Since the experience is so variable for those with vulvas and vaginas, we've taken to describing the female orgasm in three ways: clitoral orgasm, vaginal orgasm, and blended orgasm.
A clitoral orgasm tends to come on suddenly and feel intensely localized to the clitoris. Unfortunately, it's generally over more quickly than a vaginal orgasm, but can leave you feeling especially breathless. A clitoral orgasm feels like dropping from the peak of a rollercoaster back down to the ground.
A vaginal orgasm, in contrast, tends to feel more like a deep squeeze. It comes on slower and lasts longer. The waves of this orgasm reach the ends of your fingers and toes, and this experience can feel like being squeezed in warm blankets directly from the dryer, your chest, neck, and face aflush with heat.
A blended orgasm refers to the experience of having both a clitoral and vaginal orgasm at the same time. This is like eating a warm chocolate chip cookie while receiving a deep tissue shoulder massage. Does it get much better than this?
Orgasms are made all the more special by their ephemerality - their duration ranges from about 3-20 seconds. Here at The Play Club, we've heard of a few lucky ducks who've cracked the code to a longer peak, but until we've cracked that code we'll remain jealous.
All right, now that's settled... Close your eyes and think back to the best orgasm of your life (if you haven't had an orgasm yet, close your eyes and imagine the sensations described above). What was so great about the sensation? Where was it most intense? Why do you prefer that sensation to others?
The good news is that we're going to help you pick a toy that'll recreate (or create!) that buzz. With your answers to these questions in mind, let's move to the next step.
Step 2: Choose your shape
The shape of your new vibe will inform your ability to manifest that magical experience you pictured in step 1. Check out the table below to view common vibrator categories and match the shape(s) to your ideal orgasm.
Step 3: Choose your noise level
Great! Now that you've got an idea of your ideal vibrator shape, let's touch on the buzz. Some vibrators are extra quiet, while others are known to be super loud. Below, we've ranked the categories above in order of quietest to loudest. Keep in mind, noise level will vary depending on model and brand of your toy. The information below is a generalization to help you get started:
Keep in mind that most vibrators can be made more quiet by snuggling down under a blanket or two before using!
Step 4: Choose your size
Size matters here... But mostly for discretion! Many people, when purchasing their first vibrator, seek out something small to mid-size that can fit easily into a nightstand or purse. As in the last section, we've ranked the categories below in order of smallest to largest. Again, these are generalizations to help you get started - size will vary depending on the toy!
Step 5: Choose your price point
If you're searching for your first toy, there's a good chance that you'll have to try out a couple before finding something that feels perfect for you. For this reason, we recommend purchasing something at a lower price point if this is your first try.
Vibrators can be quite expensive (many range over $100), but hold off on investing until you've tried a couple within the $20-30 range.
We're here to help you find the perfect one! If you'd like a recommendation from The Play Club, just head over to our "Find My Vibe" quiz.
Happy vibing! ;)
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