Let’s be real - the man who knows how to clean a bathtub is a rare bird, and the man who knows when to clean the bathtub is like Waldo: impossible for most of us to find.

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In 2025, we know it feels like most BIG problems have solutions out of reach; oceans are rising, billionaires make more in five minutes than you’ll make all year, and who knows what fresh geopolitical conflict will erupt tomorrow.

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But we’re here to remind you that there’s one important slice of life within your control: your choice of partner (or lack thereof).

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Your choice of partner, especially if you’re monogamous, affects every facet of your life: what you spend your time doing and eating, the cleanliness and aesthetic of your personal space, your near (and sometimes long-term) future, and your sense of self.

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Because of these effects, a partner should be someone who, on average, improves your life across all aspects - bearing in mind of course that a person cannot be good at everything. If your partner decreases your quality of life, that’s a clear sign to cut and run!

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But since women are socialized to chronically sacrifice their happiness for the sake of others (motherhood, anyone?), it can be hard to even realize that a better life is possible.

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So for those of you with male partners: here are 10 questions to help you reflect on how much your relationship harms or helps you.

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1. Does he routinely walk in front of you?

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Sure, men are generally taller than women, which results in a longer stride. But it requires only a smidgen of self awareness and genuine interest in a walking companion to match the slower stride. To frame this another way: how often have you seen guys walking ahead of their dude friends while out and about? Men also differ in height, yet I can’t say I’ve seen this behavior between male friends.

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A partner who routinely walks ahead instead of alongside you indicates two things: 1) they are prioritizing their own pleasure at the expense of yours and do not see this as an issue, and 2) you and your thoughts are not as interesting to them as the scenery.

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2. Does he say thank you when you perform gendered tasks for him?

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When you do the dishes, make a meal, fold the laundry, or any of the other small but obvious activities that go into maintaining a home and life, does he notice and appreciate you? Or does he overlook your labors because he either 1) is oblivious to domestic labor since it’s always been handled for him, or 2) views these tasks as labor he’s entitled to as a man in a relationship with a woman?

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3. Does he expect praise for doing the bare minimum?

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Similar to question 2, does he treat it as an extraordinary act when he handles a task traditionally viewed as “woman’s work”? Does he expect not merely the thank you this task deserves, but a “favor” in return (ew)? Mutually beneficial relationships are made up of partners who understand that contributing to the household is a shared responsibility.

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4. Does he criticize or mock your interests?

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Patriarchy hurts everyone, and little boys are socialized from birth to distance themselves from anything “girly”. Madonna says it best in What it Feels Like for a Girl:

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“Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short

Wear shirts and boots ‘cause it’s okay to be a boy

But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading

‘Cause you think that being a girl is degrading

But secretly you’d love to know what it’s like wouldn’t you?

What it feels like for a girl”

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If your partner mocks you for your interest in fashion, makeup, music, etc. it’s likely because he hasn’t engaged in the small amount of thinking necessary to understand that masculinity and femininity are morally neutral. This is a guy who will make you feel bad as you spend hours attempting to educate him. Make life easier for yourself and just dump him instead.

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5. Does he make a continuous effort to know you deeply?

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If your partner doesn’t strike up (or actively participate in) conversations about your hopes, dreams, and goals, then he’s not someone who will help you reach them. In a healthy partnership, each partner sees their life improve. This may look like taking turns as you support each other in your goals, but at the end of the day your goals should be clearly just as important as his.

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6. BONUS! Did he knowingly vote for a rapist?

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...If after reading these you've got that anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you something is off - it probably is. Better to break up now than spend another year of your life with an energy vampire.

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He doesn't even vibrate. Go live your life and be happy instead.